So, I’ve paused a lot lately to take stock of things in life both good and bad depending on the mood of the day of course.
Some days I sit here thinking of the ridiculous limitations that my health and my psychological paranoias put on my life. How limited I am in my ability to travel and to go and do things that are sometimes as simple as visiting my sister, or going out to eat…anywhere. I ponder on how much I struggle to find things that I can eat. Period. Or if I’m really wallowing, I ponder on how I struggle to find things that I can eat AND enjoy! Whoa…I know. Amazing concept people. Some days I see how little progress I’ve made with meds and how little I understand about what helps and what doesn’t. How I’m always still guessing what to try now and am I analyzing my symptoms accurately?? Who knows!?! Probably not!!
But then there are the days lately where I am making myself see how many orders and sales I’ve been having in my little buisness, especially for it being January and right after Christmas when I figured no one would be spending money. And these orders have come just when I started my resolution that all my sales would go towards purchasing my Imitrex shots because I realize I need them to keep my ability to comfortably go and do things that I do now. That is too important to give up, no matter how expensive the meds. I just have to change how I medicate when I’m home and save them for being out!
I have made myself see, that by asking for help with things (when I have been too proud to ask in the past), I am able to do something fun and special for someone I love when I’m pretty sure I never could have made it really happen if I tried to do it myself and “just make it work”. When what I needed what was out of my reach, my friends and family were there to assist just like I’ve always known in my heart they would be.
You forget though…that it really works that way. You forget that people care. That friends and family aren’t “society” and can’t be just lumped in a cynical idea of people being selfish and looking out for themselves. We all look out for ourselves but so often helping ourselves really involves helping someone else. Being there for them and knowing that they will be there for you when you are at the bottom, looking for that hand to hold in the dark. So though I may acknowledge the “bad” and speak it’s name out loud, what I live and rejoice in is the “good”, the “amazing” and the “incredibly unexpected”. You should too….