I think that I have allowed my illness and changes in circumstances to make me forget what it is like to be a real person and do normal everyday things. Or what I would have always considered normal everyday things before. This weekend when I went out with my sisters and Jeff, I put on specific clothes for a occassion, doesn’t mean fancy, just specific. I haven’t worn clothes with intent in a very long time. It usually doesn’t matter which pjs I put on for the day unless I care about the color or what T-shirt I wear to the doctor’s appointment or grocery store. I got to wear some of the jewelry my sister has made for me but I almost never where because, well why wear it to nowhere? It felt really good to do things for a reason, to pick clothes for a purpose and put myself together. It felt really good to go to a restaurant again. I haven’t sat in a restaurant eating or not in almost two years and it felt great to have myself all put together and get a table and look at a menu. It didn’t even matter that I wasn’t going to be able to eat any of it. It smelled amazing, and the company was good and even with it being too hot, to be in Station Square again made me feel normal again.
I think I first felt that, I’m real people again feeling when we were walking from the parking garage to the theater on the streets of Pittsburgh. Other people were all dressed up and other people were just walking by and some people were just working and I realized that I would appear to be like every other person right now. Not sick. Not unemployed. Not living at home. Not “disabled”. Just Raven walking down the street on a sunny day in Pittsburgh. That was an amazing feeling! I can’t remember the last time I felt that way. Anonymous. Unlabeled. That I might have Potential. My world became so small so suddenly, that I need to get out of Ligonier, out of Greensburg even to be reminded that not everyone sees me this way. That I can be something else, something more in the future. And the future starts right now….and that is a very encouraging thought indeed.